Choosing Gratitude

If you're going through a difficult time right now, the last thing you'll want to hear is to "practice gratitude" and I get it. When you're struggling, being told to be grateful can feel really dismissive, like someone is telling you to slap a happy face sticker over genuine pain. But here's what I've learned through my own healing journey: gratitude during the most challenging times isn't about pretending everything is fine. It's not about toxic positivity or forcing yourself to feel thankful when you're hurting. Real gratitude is something different entirely.

Gratitude Doesn't Erase Pain

You can be grateful for the warm cup of coffee in your hands and still acknowledge that today is hard. You can appreciate a friend's text message and still feel the weight of loneliness. You can notice the sunset and still carry grief. Gratitude doesn't ask you to choose—you can hold both. This isn't about replacing difficult emotions with positive ones. It's about creating small moments of light alongside the darkness and reminding yourself that even in the midst of struggle, there are still things worth appreciating.

Gratitude Matters When You're Healing

When dealing with fears, trauma, anxiety, or depression, our brains naturally focus on threat and negativity. This made sense when we needed to survive difficult circumstances—our brains were protecting us by staying alert to danger. This negativity bias can keep us stuck in a loop even when we're trying to heal. Gratitude practice gently redirects our attention without denying current reality. It's like teaching your nervous system that yes, things are hard right now, but I'm glad that this is positive.  

Research shows that gratitude practice can:

- Reduce symptoms of depression and anxiety

- Improve sleep quality

- Increase resilience during stress

- Strengthen relationships

- Support trauma recovery

- Foster hope

Beyond the science, gratitude does something even more important: it reminds you that you're still here, still noticing, still capable of finding beauty even in the most broken places. Gratitude during challenging periods doesn't have to be grand or profound. It can be beautifully simple:

- The way your pet greets you when you come home

- A warm shower after a difficult day

- One person who gets it

- Your body keeping you alive even when everything feels heavy

- The fact that you got out of bed today

- A song that made you feel something

- The smell of rain

- That you're still trying

Some days, your gratitude might be: I'm grateful I survived today. That counts. It's real...and it's enough. You don't need a fancy gratitude journal or a one size fits all routine. You truly just need a willingness to notice and a routine that you're willing to stick to. The key is consistency over intensity.

When Gratitude Feels Impossible

It's better to notice one small thing each day than to write an elaborate gratitude list once a month only to feel guilty for not keeping it up next month. There will be days when gratitude feels completely out of reach. Days when the darkness is so thick you can't see even a pinpoint of light. This is okay. Gratitude isn't meant to be another struggle to add to the list. 

You can be grateful for your resilience. You can be grateful that feelings pass, even hard ones. You can be grateful that tomorrow can feel different. Or consider your basic needs being met, a kind neighbor, volunteers in your community delivering meals to the needy, a new sewing technique or quilt block that you found for free online, trying a new recipe, the softness of your favorite pair of stretch pants, the sunlight helping your seeds germinate, etc. 

The Compound Effect

Here's the remarkable thing about gratitude: it's cumulative. You won't necessarily feel different after one day of noticing the goodness in your life. But over weeks and months, something shifts. Good things become easier to spot. Joy is more accessible. Hope feels less foreign. It's like training a muscle or learning a language—slow, incremental changes that eventually transform how you move through the world. If you are working through a challenging time right now, I'll offer this: you deserve to notice the good things alongside the hard things. You deserve moments of light in the darkness. You deserve to acknowledge that you are doing your absolute best in a truly difficult situation. 

Gratitude is about honoring your wholeness—the pain and the beauty, the hard and the hopeful, the broken and the still-becoming. You don't have to do this perfectly - just keep noticing, one small thing at a time.

A Tool for Your Journey

If you're looking for a gentle way to incorporate gratitude into your healing journey, I've created a Healing Journal specifically for people navigating trauma recovery. Each day includes space for gratitude alongside prompts for processing emotions, grounding exercises, and affirmations. It's designed to meet you wherever you are—on good days and hard days alike. The journal acknowledges that healing isn't linear and gratitude isn't always easy. Some days you'll write full pages. Other days, you'll write one word. 

Healing happens in the small, consistent moments of showing up for yourself. Sometimes, just noticing one tiny good thing is the most radical act of hope that you can offer yourself.

All my best,
Heather