Rest is rebellion when you've been raised by a workaholic. My additional influences include a Catholic upbringing, a Protestant father, and the idea that idleness is inherently bad or immoral. Productivity was the measure of success growing up. Time spent on hobbies was not necessarily valued unless the personal time was spent on physical activities, preferably something that benefitted the family.
American culture glorifies work - output is everything and it's not uncommon for employers to look down on, consider when you're trying to advance your career, they decline vacation requests, and/or limit breaks to times when the company is less busy. Some Americans work full-time without any paid vacation time. Many of us work without getting health benefits, the number of individuals facing loss of access is expected to skyrocket this month. The current economic crisis and massive job losses in the US have some households reconsidering cultural expectations. Work, home, and personal lives have been blurred to the point that many people are feeling incredible pressure and stress from competing demands. Rest, often viewed as a negative personal choice, weakness, and/or a character flaw, if you will; this mindset has consequences. Generations also view this phenomenon differently - there is a cultural shift in many younger people away from the boundaries and glorification of the grind. Hustle culture is everything here but change seems to be on the horizon for many of us. Employment issues, low wages, lack of benefits including no paid sick time have been strained & readily discussed since Covid.
I've been working since 15 other than a semester away at school and a couple years at home with a colicky baby. At those times, I was still volunteering, as I have for much of my life, because even unpaid work felt more valuable than rest. When I was home with my youngest, I developed a health program for a local parish, ran a blood pressure clinic, created health articles for seniors by volunteering with several nonprofit organizations but this wasn't considered work outside the home. My health has suffered as a result of incredibly demanding workloads, noting I've had multiple jobs at once for extended periods of time while raising children and attending multiple college programs. Additionally, as a trauma survivor, the sense of worthlessness when choosing to pursue rest or vacation time is challenging to overcome.
Some of the issues associated with trauma, abuse, neglect, assaults, particularly multiple layers of various traumas rewires the brain making rest nearly impossible. For some of us that continues despite years of therapy. Journaling and constant reassurance is often required for individuals and they may still struggle for decades.
Some of the psychological reactions that interrupt rest include:
- Hyperarousal and hypervigilance
- Stillness & quiet may feel unsafe
- Guilt & shame
- Living in survival mode
- Suppressed emotions & avoidance
- Loss of control
- Fear & anxiety
- Flashbacks and/or nightmares
- Default setting is helping others, prioritizing everyone else
I know this content is completely different from my usual updates and that it may not be for everyone. Quilting has been my escape, my "me" time while parenting my children and through employment issues. It has helped to break my perfectionism and to have more patience. It has also provided opportunities to instruct others and has been my joy when I was most challenged.
The photo at the top of the post is my precious doggie Thor, also known as Boo, my Boo, Munki Munki, my sweet Baboo and baby. He passed away at 15 and is terribly missed. I've been pestering Jeff for another fur baby, preferably another Weimaraner, but the kids say they aren't ready. He was so cuddly and always at my side and when he was a tiny puppy, he used to sit at my feet in the sewing room.
We all have our difficulties in life and some of us are far more challenged to take care of ourselves than we should be. If you are struggling to rest and/or make time for your hobbies, I see you. I support you and your journey and am just a click away. There will be some content related to this post moving forward. If you don't want to miss a post, please be sure to fill out our updated email system. Those of you receiving emails via the old system will not be moved to the new one.
Thank you.
Heather
